Sunday, April 7, 2013

Another Brilliant Idea.....not.

I've been looking for a way to jump start my weight loss... again. I really like doing low carb because it broke me of sugar cravings, but I've reached a point where not much is happening anymore.

Granted, part of this is due to sitting behind a computer for 10 hours a day, coupled with the fact that the stinkin' groundhog lied about Spring so it's still cold as Jack Frost's nutsac here.

There's really only two things I missed while being on a low carb diet: pizza and rice. Not together obviously, but as separate, delicious entities.

Pizza is pretty much out, unless there's a “pizza only” diet out there that I'm not aware of. Rice, on the other hand, has several. Specifically, a brown rice detox.

So, in one of my stupider moments, I jumped all over that. It's only a week, right? Plus it's really high fiber, so that's good, right? Like a pooping yourself thin.

Well, I did it for a whole week. I ate mostly brown rice, vegetables, fish and water. Lots and lots of water. Low calorie and very low fat.

By the second day, I was thanking God I worked at home because most of my time was spent in the bathroom.

Then on the fourth day, my intestines went on strike and stopped working altogether. I woke up that morning having all the bodily discomfort of a woman in her 9th month of pregnancy, but without the impending birth.

Or so I thought.

By the fifth day, I reenacted the John Hurt scene from Alien.

Days six and seven were fine, but the bloating was ridiculous. The experiment was over.

Still, I was pretty happy I made it a whole week on mostly vegetarian and low fat foods. I honestly thought I'd have something good come out of it, but no. I actually gained weight.

I don't know how much because I refuse to use a scale, but my jeans are tighter than they should be.

How can someone actually GAIN WEIGHT on a low fat diet?

Rice is ruined for me forever now, or at least for a very, very long time. But maybe that's a good thing.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Hi There

Hi....yeah. Just a small hiatus there.

Okay, not actually that small.

I managed to not die of boredom, and finished my systems architecture class. Honestly, if I was a young 20 something and hadn't worked in IT before, I don't know how I would have passed. It really wasn't an undergrad class. That's just my opinion though.

In other news, Daughter finally got her license. This also meant having to buy a cheap-ass car in order to facilitate any real autonomy – for both of us. Yeah, I could just have her drive my car when it was available, which is pretty much never. It would also mean continuing to drive her around to every extra-curricular and social activity. Anyone with teenagers knows this is a full time job by itself.

So yeah. Cheap Jeep. So far it's only been in the shop once, but thankfully it's got “good bones”. These things live forever. I had one for the better part of 12 years, and know other people who kept them running for over twenty. Plus it has the added benefit of four wheel drive – since we live in the Snowy North - and lots of actual METAL to act as a giant bubble around said teenager. I mean geez, cars are all plastic these days. Anyway, more on the used car experience later.

You may have noticed I stopped bitching about work over the past year or so (well, I should say any of the three people still reading this blog. I figure I've lost all readership due to grievous blog-neglect). Anyway, I finally like what I'm doing. Also, not being on-call 24x7 is beneficial to not having a heart attack at 44. I'm just too old for that. Still, it's not that coding didn't hold a viable future for me, only that coding at my last job was a bullet train to a fresh circle of hell.

Hubby is traveling for work a lot more now, so I've got doggy detail. This is fun because the dog mostly doesn’t listen to me, and usually pushes the envelope by acting like a two year old on crack.

The most unsettling part is taking the dog out before bed. We have lights around the house, but obviously not in the forest, which is right over there.....and there is nothing creepier than shining a flashlight into that thick darkness and seeing ten pair of green eyes staring back at you.

Have I mentioned that the dog doesn’t like to be rushed with his bowel movements? He can't just go outside and do the needful. No, he has to make a round of the yard and inhale any remnants of his previous deposits, eat rocks, and roll around in a musky, flattened patch of grass where I presume the deer have been camping out. So while he's sniffing around doing doggy things, I'm shivering and hoping that whatever is giving me the stink eye from the woods isn't hungry and/or have large teeth.

Our's a good thing he's cute.

On the cat side of things, well, he's still on the Kitty Prozac. So far so good, six months and no extraneous pee. He's still a complete asshole though.

Our's a good thing he's cute.