Sunday, April 7, 2013

Another Brilliant Idea.....not.

I've been looking for a way to jump start my weight loss... again. I really like doing low carb because it broke me of sugar cravings, but I've reached a point where not much is happening anymore.

Granted, part of this is due to sitting behind a computer for 10 hours a day, coupled with the fact that the stinkin' groundhog lied about Spring so it's still cold as Jack Frost's nutsac here.

There's really only two things I missed while being on a low carb diet: pizza and rice. Not together obviously, but as separate, delicious entities.

Pizza is pretty much out, unless there's a “pizza only” diet out there that I'm not aware of. Rice, on the other hand, has several. Specifically, a brown rice detox.

So, in one of my stupider moments, I jumped all over that. It's only a week, right? Plus it's really high fiber, so that's good, right? Like a pooping yourself thin.

Well, I did it for a whole week. I ate mostly brown rice, vegetables, fish and water. Lots and lots of water. Low calorie and very low fat.

By the second day, I was thanking God I worked at home because most of my time was spent in the bathroom.

Then on the fourth day, my intestines went on strike and stopped working altogether. I woke up that morning having all the bodily discomfort of a woman in her 9th month of pregnancy, but without the impending birth.

Or so I thought.

By the fifth day, I reenacted the John Hurt scene from Alien.

Days six and seven were fine, but the bloating was ridiculous. The experiment was over.

Still, I was pretty happy I made it a whole week on mostly vegetarian and low fat foods. I honestly thought I'd have something good come out of it, but no. I actually gained weight.

I don't know how much because I refuse to use a scale, but my jeans are tighter than they should be.

How can someone actually GAIN WEIGHT on a low fat diet?

Rice is ruined for me forever now, or at least for a very, very long time. But maybe that's a good thing.


Wrinkled Weasel said...

As Bob Hope once said: I am on a vodka diet - recently I lost two days.

Personally, I would not put my body through a difficult regime, except that, since I gave up smoking tobacco I have gained enough weight to have to buy new trousers.

Mrs Weasel refuses to have a weighing scale in the house, so you are not alone.

JenB said...

Ahh, vodka. Vodka is probably part of my problem as well - I like my nightly drink too much. From now on, I think I'll stick to my regular diet and try to walk more. I'm past the age for weird diets, apparently.

I really enjoyed reading your posts on Margaret Thatcher. She was a great lady. It saddens me to see the celebrations and rude comments over her passing. She worked hard to do her best for Britain.

Spokey said...

Forget the low fat. go low carb. Of course load up on the veggies. But nix that rice. Low fat with fish? What kind? A lot of fish is fatty. mmmmmm Yummy fishy fat.

JenB said...

Mostly tilapia. Not sure how fatty that was. The rice detox was a total failure...but yeah. I'm back to low carb. And the gym. Heh.