Monday, January 25, 2010


Today started off with a bang. Well, more like a whoosh.

It took more than two hours to get to work due to a torrential downpour.

I wasn't expecting a problem. I'm used to the drive now, and most people behave on the commute.

Apparently reasonable behavior gets washed away with the rain.

For example, I was tired of being tailgaited by an H3, so I put my turn signal on and waited for a tractor trailer to finish passing me on my right. This was meant to indicate to the dipshit behind me that I planned to get out of his way.

Except Dooshie McTwat took that opportunity to lurch into the right lane, pull up next to me, and slosh back into my lane and cut me off. So apparently he showed me.


Rain. And MORE RAIN. Wet water. Flowing.

After an hour, I realized I wasn't getting to work anywhere near on time. Then my bladder let me know it was unhappy. Very, very unhappy.

Some fun factoids:

The urgency starts with a dull throb, then works up to a prickling pain. Like a sea urchin stabbing it's way out your bellybutton.

Then the sea urchin goes to sleep, and your entire lower abdomen goes numb.

Then you throw up. Well, almost anyway.

Vomit-time hit around the last ten minutes of the trip, and I began praying that I could keep both ends sealed until got to the office. God took pity on me, because I made it to work without soiling my car, or myself.

The other highlight of my day was our weekly staff meeting. One of the developers was burbling on about crappy code. I guess he's not thrilled with everyone else's methods. He went on and on about writing beeYOOtiful code. So elegant. So gorgeous and eclectic.


We're application support. Troubleshooters. Problem solvers. MASH 4077. There's coding involved, but it's not the main part of this job. Most of these guys would rather sit and code all day long. They're happiest in a code tunnel.

That's fine, but personally, I don't enjoy coding. I like the mystery issues. The detective work getting to the bottom of a problem, and the thrill of solving it.

I guess it's just personal preference, but I can't live in a code tunnel all day.

Besides, my code tunnel is dark, smelly and lacking the proper amount of cheese doodles and red wine. I could die of the damp in there.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Ga Ga Gaaaaargle

I'm soooo ashamed. I downloaded a Lady Gaga song.

I don't usually like music from my daughter's generation, but I was lured in by an infectious hook. I'm also a sucker for pop music that goes BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM.

Alas, the chorus is great, but the rest of the song sounds like Madame Gaga is gargling :

"RaaaghraaahOOhhLAlaaaaGAGARomaRomaaaaaaaaagh.....BAD ROMANCE!"

Like she's being throttled by one of her wacky costumes.

Speaking of, I heard a good joke about that:

Didja know Lady Gaga is going to be the new spokesperson for Polaroid? Because you gotta wait a few minutes before you know what the hell your looking at.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam...

Wooo Hooo! Every time I log into Blogger, I get a notification to moderate new comments! Yay!

But no. Not yay. It's sad. So, so sad. My comments are filled with retarded spam and advertisements.

Today's spam came in the form of a hyperlink, which was not even in English, but looked like Kanji characters. However, since I do not read Japanese, I cannot confirm that.

I noticed when I moused over the comment, several links appeared, and since every other word in the links had something to do with sex, I'm assuming it was spam. Either that, or someone in Asia is really excited about this blog.

So spammers, for future reference, I do not read Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean, Laosian, or any other Asian language. I can barely read Spanish, despite having four years of it in high school, and living in America for 41 years.

However, owing to a bizarre turn of events during those high school years, I can read Latin. Mostly.

Cicero is my friend.

So, in the future, if you're going to spam me p0rn, at least know which part of the world you're spamming and give it to me in English. Or Latin.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

The Code Whisperer

Major breakthrough: I finally have a working test environment.

Yep, it only took an entire month of security requests, and then another month of diddling around with what everyone kept telling me was a code problem.

Interrupty Guy insisted I was using the wrong code version, and someone else told me to get the code from another place, because the original code base was screwed up.

Well, THAT really gives me the warm and fuzzies.

When none of these suggestions worked, I started my own investigation and I traced it back to bad data.

So I sent an email to the team, detailing what I found, and asked who can help me get the data fixed.

No response.

Sent same email to Interrupty Guy. He thought I was crazy, and asked me if I received the most recent version of the code. Again.

After subduing The Fist Of Death, I told him the problem is data and explained why.

"But that's impossible." stated Interrupty Guy.

"I'll show you." I said. "Just let me log in to the app and..."

"It won't make a difference, you need to..." interrupted Interrupty.

"Ccchht!" I blurted, invoking my best Cesar Millan.


"Ccchht! Just... Let... Me... Finish!"

So I showed him.

Guess what? It was bad data.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

And Another Thing....

I was going to write a about the second half of Doctor Who, End Of Time, but decided against it. The folks over at Behind The Sofa managed to sum everything up nicely.

Not Dead. Yet.

So yeah. I'm not dead.

Not yet, at least.

Just a bit of blog neglect. Sorry about that.

I took some vacation over the New Year's holiday, and heartily ignored my work laptop as well as my personal one. I couldn't even look at the internet.

I was trying to think things over and get my life organized. It didn't work.

About a month ago, I wrote that this new position could be very rewarding. I was optimistic that I'd make myself a useful member of the new team. Except no work came my way. No training either. I could've sat in my cube and got paid for breathing. Nobody seemed to care.

Well, I figured if the company had no game plan for bringing me up to speed, I'd dive in and ask for work. I requested a few assignments and said if I had questions, I'll flag someone down and ask.

They unloaded on me. Bulldozed and buried.

Now I have fixes for applications I've never seen before, much less have access to (I'll get to that in a moment), crazy deadlines on coding assignments, and no test environment.

Yeah, I know. I did it to myself. So here's another whiny post about how I can't have everything my way.

Like I said, I have assignments for applications I don't even have access to. Obviously, the first course of action is to obtain said access. Easier said than done.

Requesting this can only be done with an online application. Then it's routed to the proper department, ignored, lost, re-routed, and ignored again.

About three weeks later, access is granted.

If the assignment requires any special software - that'll be another request. If it requires any configuration, settings, etc., there will be NO instructions.

So I've been asking lots of questions and generally being a pain in the arse. A necessary thing too, since no one seems to know, much less agree, on anything - except to give out as little information as possible.

For example, don't tell me the server names or the url of the application I'm supporting. When I do finally manage to dig this info out of you, make sure it's piecemeal, doled out in small bits every week. This way, I'll need to open a new request daily. Hey, it'll keep the security guys hopping with plenty of work!

When I ask a specific question about functionality, or where documentation is located, just smile and pretend you don't understand the question. Or better yet, interrupt me halfway through my question – because you read minds and know what I'm asking before I ask it! UGH. The guy that does this, has never let me finish a sentence, and has never been helpful.

The bureaucracy and red tape is mind boggling. Until I learn to navigate the system, it'll be impossible to get anything done.

In the meantime, I guess I'll just do what I can.