Thursday, August 6, 2009

Fried Lip

I fried my upper lip.

No, not in a bizarre cooking accident. I used an upper lip depilatory.

I've used it before with no problem. This was the fourth time in two months. The first time I left it on for three minutes, worked fine. Baby-skin smooth. Lovely.

The second time, three minutes didn't remove everything, so the next time I left it on for five. Still not smooth enough.

Well, the instructions tell you: “DO NOT USE FOR MORE THAN 8 MINUTES”, in large, friendly letters. So last night I left it on for the full eight. Actually, eight minutes and two seconds.

Apparently, they're really not kidding about the eight minutes. That extra two seconds was enough to cause searing pain and a gorgeous rash.

Getting older really sucks.

I never had this problem til about 3 months ago. Then, out of nowhere, Yosemite Sam.

What's next? Hot flashes? Is this what I have to look forward to at 40?

Jesus, isn't childbirth, PMS, ladypart issues, and generally being female enough?

No, really Jesus, I'm asking. For reals?