I spent the last few days in a seminar
for work. The gist of the class was to teach us a better methodology
for software development. Even though I'm not actively developing
anything anymore, I still need to consult with developers during the
process. It was a very useful class, albeit mostly common sense.
The main thread being: communicate
better with everyone on the team. Including the business and
marketing people (and yes, the business/marketing people have to
attend this as well, so for them it would be “communicate better
with the IT department”).
In my past life I was making small
enhancements within my particular area of IT, so usually those
requirements made sense. Now I'm reviewing large projects, and not a
day goes by when I don't ask myself, “why would you even want to do
that?”.
But that's not for me to say.
So....whatever.
I'm no longer being beaten about the
head daily, or working stupid-crazy hours. So honestly, it doesn't
matter to me if the requirements state that unicorns and fairies
should fly out of an elephant's butthole - as long as I can get a
basic understanding of said butthole, as well as the size and pointyness of the unicorn.
Still, there's the need to entertain
myself. I get a chuckle out of Dilbert-esque documentation. “Adding
value”, “growing the product” or “making it sexy”. Do
people really talk like that? Oh yes.
Mostly it's just funny or a little bit
cringe-worthy. Although I've had a few times when I wish I could
disinfect my brain from the verbal gonorrhea.
Even though the seminar was pretty
good, I noticed the prevalence of overused buzzwords. For your
reading pleasure:
I have an “ask” - All over the
country business professionals have
stopped saying, “I have something to ask you” or “I
have a requirement”, in favor of this abbreviated silliness. Grow
up. You sound like a third grader with pig tails and a lollipop.
Revolutionary and Innovative – A
standard for any marketing campaign. Although I'd like to see it used
more often in daily conversation. For instance, “I found a
revolutionary and innovative way to get rid of gophers. I shoved a
urine-soaked cat bed down it's hole. “ True story.
Thought Leader – So culty-cult-cult.
“Obamacare is revolutionary and innovative thus making the
President a true Thought Leader”. Except every time someone says
“Thought Leader” my brain hears “Thought Police”. In some
cases, it's the same thing.
Value Added – A catch-all for any
product that's been improved. Have you improved the absorb-ability of
Depends For Wombats? It's value added.
Please. Just stop.
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