Monday, January 21, 2013

Moving Towards Idiocracy - I wasn't flipping you off, I was waving at you with my driving finger.

There is so much stupid on the roads of America. Sooooo much stupid, oblivious driving.

Lately, the motorists I encounter are operating under the misguided assumption that everyone else will simply get out of their way.

I'm not talking about driving in congested towns and cities – that's a given. It's here in suburban Pennsylvania where things are reaching critical mass.

Stop signs are only a suggestion, and not actually obeyed as a traffic law. Four way stop? Nope. It is guaranteed that someone at one of the four is going to blow through it.

Look both ways before pulling out of your hidden driveway? Nope. Just launch your car into traffic like a Viper from the Galactica. Assume that you'll materialize within the flow of traffic, so there's no reason to check for oncoming vehicles.


Anyway, I have one story that not only takes the cake, but also relieves it of icing, rolls it down a dirt road, then has the balls to serve it up at a church picnic:

Here in the Pocono Mountains, we have two towns that sit quite close to one another on a stretch of death-highway. This highway is notorious for being very winding and congested. Because of this, there are numerous accidents. There is a speed limit in place requiring drivers to slow down to 50 miles per hour, instead of skating along at 60 or 65.

Not only is this speed limit completely ignored, but I find most people are generally doing somewhere in the vicinity of 75-80 mph.*

Fine, I can accept that. I'll stay out of your way.

But if you're speeding at 80 miles per hour, weaving in and out of traffic, then cut off a tractor trailer which has to swerve into my lane in order to avoid YOU, causing me to nearly ditch my vehicle off the side of the road - then I've got plenty of reason to be pissed off.

This moron didn't do it once, but THREE TIMES.

I've had the misfortune to encounter this spectacular specimen of douchenugget three times in the last two weeks. This idiot's car caught my notice because he/she has a large decal that takes up the entire back window which reads: “Here'sTheBlood”.

Here's the blood? What the fuck does that mean? Does he/she transport blood? Is that the reason for the hurry? If only.

The first time I was nearly killed by this moron I made a mental note to Google it.

Well, I'm here to say, DO NOT Google that.

It looks like a website dedicated to anti-abortion. The kind that shows you graphic images.** Thankfully, I got a content warning for graphic images before I clicked on it, and instead was able to maneuver to an “about” section of the site.

Anyway, my point is, the motorist in this story is just another fine example of moral licensing that occurs in this country - on both sides of politics.

 On one hand, we have the “save the planet” Prius owner, with the requisite “Coexist” and Obama/Biden bumper stickers. In my personal experience, they will cut you off in heavy traffic while doing 90 mph (why, exactly, do you own a Prius??). Good job “coexisting” with the other drivers on the road.

(I don't mean you, Mom. I know you're trying to save gas money. Also, you don't cut people off or have a “Coexist” sticker.).

And there's this jackass in the Here'sTheBlood car, advertising to the world that he/she cares about the blood of aborted children, but apparently doesn't care about other motorist's blood (or the blood of children in THOSE cars) being splashed all over the highway because of his/her shitty driving habits.

* I have no problem with speeding. I do have a problem with it on a death-slalom highway that has a reputation for killing hundreds of people.

** I am not pro abortion. For me, it simply doesn't pass the “icky” test. But putting photos of it online is just as disgusting.


Spokey said...

You forgot to mention the morons who are supposed to merge when entering the interstate but just blast on in expecting you to move over and side-swipe the car to the left of you or jam on your brakes to start a chain collision.

I'd love to buy one of them there Prius's. Especially that new wagon one with all the luggage room and without that funny can't see through rear window of the original model. But for me, there are three big impediments:

1 - My current car is only ten years old. I can't bear the thought of taking that kind of depreciation hit for selling a "just drove off the showroom floor" car.

2 - I hear these things cost over twenty thousand dollars. Think about it. That's a two which is nice. But it sure has a very uncomfortable number of zeroes following that two.

3 - It only comes in an automatic. Bad enough that I have to pretend shift with spousy's car but the joystick thing on a Prius speaks to total wussification.

JenB said...

Trust me, I had three paragraphs dedicated to the Tards around here that either a) can't merge and stop b) merge, but remain in your blind spot the entire time - like they're going to slam into you - even though there's no one in front of you or behind you, and c) the ones that can't read stop signs when it's an actual stop instead of a merge. Our country road has a giant-ass stop sign about three feet across and no one ever takes notice.

The Prius is one hella expensive vehicle. I don't think I've seen the wagon version. I've never been crazy about them. I ended up trading Wulfgar The Gently Used Volvo in for a Mazda 3. Much lower car payment, lower maintenance, lower insurance and it's gets 40 miles per gallon. I miss the Volvo sometimes but I'd rather save the money :)