Random Conversations Part 1

On the way to the gym...

Daughter: “Ugh. It's way early. I'll be asleep by the time we get there.”

Me: “You could have stayed in bed.”

Daughter: “No, I want to do this. Wait....ewww. What's that smell?”

Me: “What smell? Oh, yuck. [rolling down window] It must be skunk.”

Daughter: “That's just nasty.”

A few minutes later....

Daughter: “Oh man.....gross, another skunk. Can't you smell that? [rolling down window]

Me: “Well, we're almost there.”

Daughter: “What is it with skunks and the early morning? This just stinks.”

Me: “So you're saying 5:00 AM smells like skunk butt?”

Daughter: [Giggles] “Yeah, but is it actually the skunk's butt?” I mean, they have a gland or something that makes the smell, right?”

Me: “It's a gland, but I think it's in the butt area. Skunk-butt area.”

Daughter: “I can't believe we're talking about skunk-butt at 5:00 AM.”

Warning: Way Too Much Use of Italics, Underlining, and Bold Within

Well it finally happened.

After having a year's worth of positively useful and enriching classes, I've got a complete and utter DUD this term.

Six chapters into the book and we're still discussing network architecture theory (it's a network architecture class, in case you haven't guessed....), and how bad it sucks when management isn't on board with security base-lining.

Here's an original thought! ….we can keep on whining and complaining that security is such an under appreciated field....OR we can learn some methods to help make the case to management. Or learn breathing exercises.

But the theories - oh God... all the endless theories about the best ways to ask questions about the system you're going to build. I got it, really....you need to fully understand the business' objective and know exactly what they want in order to deliver the best product.

I totally get it - this is an area of development that is so full of FAIL. I've experienced first hand how bad it is when developers and architects design something so completely different than what the client wanted.

But we have devoted six (very long) chapters thus far on how to ask questions. I fully appreciate that I have a short attention span, but really? Can we get into the meat of actually designing something? It's only a 12 week course. At this rate we might design something, oh, I don’t' know.....maybe around 2016?

So far every weekly assignment has been a five page term paper discussing some scholarly article that MAY or MAY NOT have ANYTHING to do with architecture. Esoteric topics like, “Do hackers prefer the color blue, and what does that say about the best way to prevent a breach to your system?”.

For serious.

There has yet to be any assignment on the material being covered in the book or lectures. And that makes total sense, riiiight?

The content of my papers has typically been me regurgitating things I learned either on the job, or from my other classes. While I can see the benefit of that (ten points to Gryffindor for applying existing knowledge!) it would be nice to actually learn something for the obscene amount of money being paid for this class.

I am currently preparing for my midterm and know fuckall of what to actually study.

For all I know, the exam will cover the sexual habits of lemurs and require us to design a secure VPN network around it.

Moving Towards Idiocracy

There is so much stupid on the roads of America. Sooooo much stupid, oblivious driving.

Lately, the motorists I encounter are operating under the misguided assumption that everyone else will simply get out of their way.

I'm not talking about driving in congested towns and cities – that's a given. It's here in suburban Pennsylvania where things are reaching critical mass.

Stop signs are only a suggestion, and not actually obeyed as a traffic law. Four way stop? Nope. It is guaranteed that someone at one of the four is going to blow through it.

Look both ways before pulling out of your hidden driveway? Nope. Just launch your car into traffic like a Viper from the Galactica. Assume that you'll materialize within the flow of traffic, so there's no reason to check for oncoming vehicles.

Sigh.

Anyway, I have one story that not only takes the cake, but also relieves it of icing, rolls it down a dirt road, then has the balls to serve it up at a church picnic:

Here in the Pocono Mountains, we have two towns that sit quite close to one another on a stretch of death-highway. This highway is notorious for being very winding and congested. Because of this, there are numerous accidents. There is a speed limit in place requiring drivers to slow down to 50 miles per hour, instead of skating along at 60 or 65.

Not only is this speed limit completely ignored, but I find most people are generally doing somewhere in the vicinity of 75-80 mph.*

Fine, I can accept that. I'll stay out of your way.

But if you're speeding at 80 miles per hour, weaving in and out of traffic, then cut off a tractor trailer which has to swerve into my lane in order to avoid YOU, causing me to nearly ditch my vehicle off the side of the road - then I've got plenty of reason to be pissed off.

This moron didn't do it once, but THREE TIMES.

I've had the misfortune to encounter this spectacular specimen of douchenugget three times in the last two weeks. This idiot's car caught my notice because he/she has a large decal that takes up the entire back window which reads: “Here'sTheBlood”.

Here's the blood? What the fuck does that mean? Does he/she transport blood? Is that the reason for the hurry? If only.

The first time I was nearly killed by this moron I made a mental note to Google it.

Well, I'm here to say, DO NOT Google that.

It looks like a website dedicated to anti-abortion. The kind that shows you graphic images.** Thankfully, I got a content warning for graphic images before I clicked on it, and instead was able to maneuver to an “about” section of the site.

Anyway, my point is, the motorist in this story is just another fine example of moral licensing that occurs in this country - on both sides of politics.

 On one hand, we have the “save the planet” Prius owner, with the requisite “Coexist” and Obama/Biden bumper stickers. In my personal experience, they will cut you off in heavy traffic while doing 90 mph (why, exactly, do you own a Prius??). Good job “coexisting” with the other drivers on the road.

(I don't mean you, Mom. I know you're trying to save gas money. Also, you don't cut people off or have a “Coexist” sticker.).

And there's this jackass in the Here'sTheBlood car, advertising to the world that he/she cares about the blood of aborted children, but apparently doesn't care about other motorist's blood (or the blood of children in THOSE cars) being splashed all over the highway because of his/her shitty driving habits.

* I have no problem with speeding. I do have a problem with it on a death-slalom highway that has a reputation for killing hundreds of people.

** I am not pro abortion. For me, it simply doesn't pass the “icky” test. But putting photos of it online is just as disgusting.

Stand on the Bloody Bin Bag!

I can identify with Edina and Patsy here.....this is too funny:

Cooties

With the cold dry weather, we've all been suffering from the lip shrivels. Lip balm of all kinds is a hot commodity around here, but apparently I need to start buying it in bulk.

Last week:

“Mom, I ran out of Carmex. Can I use yours?” asked Daughter.

“Are you kidding? You're my daughter and we've probably got the same cooties, but that's a really great way to get the flu. Still, I never used mine so it should be germ free. If you absolutely have to, go ahead and take it – it's in my makeup case.” I offered.

“Meh...I guess I can wait.”

The next day, the lip stuff is still in my case. When opened, it looks...lopsided. “Well, I must have gotten a defective one. “ I thought, then proceeded to use it.

Fast forward five days.

“Mom, my throat is killing me. I used the flashlight to look at it, and there's all these white patches...”

“Let me see.” I said.

Oh boy......and such lovely white patches too. Daughter's tonsils were covered with what looked like cottage cheese.

Also, there was something tugging at the back of my mind.

That tugging was the Hippocampus Gnome*, trying to jump start my short term memory. Unfortunately, my perimenopausal brain wasn't having any of it. Yet.

“Um. Yuck. That's looks like strep throat. Or at least, that's what it looked like the last time you had it. I'll call the doctor tomorrow morning.” I said.

Then I remembered.

Along with that memory came the odd itch at the back of my throat.

“By the way, did you use my lip balm?”

Daughter's eyes grew large, “Oh my God! I'm so sorry ...but I didn't think I was sick then!”

“I believe I told you to just take it, not use it then put it back. Ugh. Well, I guess we'll both be out of commission for a while. Thank God tomorrow's Friday.”

*Thank you Terry Pratchett.

Happy 2013

To Juxtapose With My Previous Post...

I'd love to have something clever and/or snarky about the fiscal cliff, etc., but I'll defer to The Gormogons instead. Their cleverness is better than anything I could ever come up with.

Anyway...

Every year I start a post about the President's vacation in Kailua, and every year I delete it because it seems so pointless.

This year it surfaced again since we happened to be in Washington, and Barry was not. So I finally decided to tell my tale, regardless.

Normally I wouldn't give a fat rat's ass where The Pres takes his vacay, but this hits home for me. I've experienced the clusterfuck first hand.

Back in 2008, our Hawaii vacation coincided with the soon-to-be First Family's.

We had been to Kailua before. It's a very relaxed place with quiet beaches on the windward side of Oahu.

Our vacation was planned eight months in advance with a considerable amount of saving involved. Even if we knew how insane Oahu would be, changing dates was pretty much out of the question.

All traffic in the little town of Kailua came to a crushing standstill thanks to a confluence of issues: the roving bands of groupies hoping to catch a glimpse of Barry, the land-locked nature of certain areas of the town, and what I assume was the security detail for the future Pres. A trip across town that would take five minutes took nearly an hour.

The biggest travesty was the condition of two of the world's most beautiful beaches.

Instead, Kailua and Lanikai beaches looked like the Jersey Shore on the 4th of July, but with even more loutish behavior. There were people who apparently thought it was a nude beach – or just didn't care, there was public urinating, and monumental swath of garbage left behind. Apparently this is repeated every Christmas now.

My point is, if I brought that kind havoc and upheaval upon a sleepy little town, I sure as hell wouldn't do it again.

  

Washington Weekend

I have about 5,000 things I want to write about, all flying through my brain, but it all brought me to that procrastination point where I just didn't write about anything at all. Oddly, I woke up this morning feeling a) like I'm catching a cold, but also b) more rested than I had been in weeks. Which is weird, but I'll take it (and some cold meds) and move on.

That said, I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas holiday.

We kept it simple this year, and according to the news reports, it sounds like a lot of other people were holding back as well. I figured that would happen. Anyways, we took a quick trip to Washington D.C. last weekend as a small gift to ourselves and to finish our Christmas shopping.

Washington is driving distance from here at The Hundred Acre Wood, and Hubby got a hotel discount for all the traveling he does for work. So other than food, it was a relatively frugal trip.

We decided to stick to Georgetown – no monuments or museums this time. Georgetown has innumerable great restaurants, and you could literally walk from Glover Park, down Wisconsin to M, and pick a new restaurant every night. It would probably take months to get through them all.

We stuck with three: Sushi Ko, The Tombs and Old Europe, so this will probably sound more like a restaurant review than a real post. But hey, just sharing in case anyone has the opportunity to get down to D.C.

Sushi Ko isn't fancy, just a tiny restaurant with simple formica tables and a spartan décor. It opened 36 years ago and has the distinction of being Washington's oldest sushi restaurant. It is also refreshingly inexpensive for a D. C. restaurant.

The sashimi and nigiri were perfect. Very thinly sliced. Many sushi restaurants seem to go for “American sizes” and make the fish too thick, which can often be too chewy to be enjoyable. The Beef Kushi-Yaki (beef on skewers) was lightly marinated (in what, I do not know, but it was delicious) and tender. Just perfect.

The food is consistently high quality, and I have to say it was the best Japanese experience I've had. Which I should explain...

I've been to several excellent Japanese restaurants in the last 20 years. The two others that stand out for me would be Morimoto in Philadelphia and Kome in Allentown. Up until this point, Kome has been at the top of my list.

Morimoto (Iron Chef Morimoto) was outstanding until our last experience a few years ago. Our first visit was shortly after it opened in 2001. It was amazing and unbelievably expensive, but truly an incredible dining experience. I could certainly understand why everyone raved about Morimoto-san's skills.

However, this was his first restaurant after leaving Nobu in New York, and at that time he was physically involved. During our first few visits he could be found making sushi and visiting each table, making sure everything was perfect (it was oddly surreal having someone you watch on TV stop at your table to check on your dining experience, but a seriously nice touch). About five years later we stopped in to celebrate Daughter's birthday and it was not a good experience. The sushi was sloppy and the “Kobe” sirloin was burnt. Thinking it was a one-off, we went back again a year later, but it still wasn't the same as it had been.

It may be that after Mr. Morimoto opened a few more restaurants, he was no longer overseeing things in Philadelphia. However, Google tells me that Zagat's is giving it 28 out of 30 now, so maybe it's time to give it another shot.

I'm told Kome in Allentown has some connection to Morimoto, some say the owner or chef worked there at one point, but I haven't found anything on Google to prove that. However, it has been consistently outstanding for the past four years. It's a beautiful place, very trendy and they make a fab martini. And of course, the food is wonderful. Kome had been Daughter's favorite restaurant until our Sushi Ko experience. Now she's got even more incentive to go to school in D.C.

There's some good photos of Sushi Ko here, which show the frontage as well as a mural from the Japanese folktale Tamamo-no-Mae painted along the side of the building.

Our second day in D. C. meant getting Daughter out of bed before noon. But she had incentive – there would be shopping. Although, she didn't realize that while Georgetown did have the standard “mall fare” like Banana Republic and Sephora, it mostly had trendy mom-and-pop shops, antique and second hand stores, high-end stores like Barbour, Hugo Boss and Dean and Deluca, as well as European clothing stores like H & M and Benetton - none of which she had heard of before.

We started at Georgetown University, which was a ghost town. Since it was the weekend before Christmas, everyone was gone. It was actually pretty neat being the only people there. It was also freezing cold, because the storm that blew through the Midwest earlier that week was sending gale force winds through the East, and D. C. wasn't spared. After about an hour of poking around the school, we headed over to the 1789 restaurant, which is just off campus.

The 1789 is one of Georgetown's best restaurants, but our destination was actually it's rathskeller, The Tombs. Years ago, it had been a dark pub with just enough room to circumnavigate the square wooden bar. It's been redecorated in the last ten years, adding a restaurant area and more lighting. I'm not crazy about that. I preferred it cramped and dark. Heh.

Anyway, my understanding is that The Tombs shares the kitchen space with the 1789, and the food was outstanding.

After lunch, we spent several hours walking it off and exploring the pretty row houses and the shops. Headed down to M street, then up Wisconsin Avenue to Glover Park. I found the same old book store that I visited during my last trip to D. C., years ago. It's situated in the basement of a 150 year old brick row home, with stairs so narrow and steep they resemble little more than a cement ladder. Then, once inside, it opens up into a maze of bookshelves. I love places like that.

By this time it was getting late, so we stopped at Old Europe for dinner. Conveniently, it happens to be practically across the street from Sushi Ko, so we really didn't stray much.

Old Europe is a German restaurant with a standard fare of sausages, schnitzels and Sauerbraten. For December, it had a special menu dedicated to it's Wild Game Season. We tried the wild boar sausages for an appetizer, which were done with some kind of wine sauce and spiced apple slices on the side. I've never had that before, but they were so good I'm looking into trying to find some locally. Hubby went with the Sauerbraten, his personal favorite, Daughter was unadventurous with a sirloin, and I had the venison goulash. Venison has always been hit or miss with me, so it was a tough choice. This seemed to be slow cooked like a stew, then served in a kind of pastry shell. Each bite sized piece was fall-apart tender, and spiced just right.

Again, this is another restaurant I'll miss until we visit again in a few years. Thankfully, Old Europe has been in operation for 50 years and seems to be doing phenomenally well, so I expect it will still be there when we finally get back to Washington again.

White Christmas 2012

It doesn't happen every year, but we got snow on Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Fa La La La Blah

Today is December 12th, and I have just now begun to shop.

This is how it goes every year - a mad rush on my part to get it all done before the 25^th.

I actually like Christmas. I just despise shopping.

Of course this year has a special set of obstacles. I have a final exam to study for and finish by Friday, and a paper on IT Security baselining for Sunday.

I think the problem is that I'm hopelessly unorganized (note the last minute studying mentioned above.....case in point). I start thinking about Christmas shopping in September, then remind myself in October that it's not far away and I should really start getting a few things early. After that, it's suddenly December and I'm running around with my hair on fire.

Also, I don't like crowds. Actually, I don't like crowds at malls. Crowds at the local Celtic festival are fine, because that usually involves Guinness which tends to make for a more relaxed atmosphere. Perhaps if I could have Guinness at the mall, I might not mind shopping.

The rudeness level of the holiday shopping crowd is unreal. The Mongol horde had better manners (and probably better fashion sense). Macy's is elbow-to-asshole making it impossible to move. How can you get anything done?

So I'm shopping online as much as possible, and expedited shipping is my friend. Now that I bought a few things on Amazon today, I almost feel like listening to Christmas music.

While on the 'Zon, I figured I'd update my wish list. Unfortunately, this is where I stick anything that I want to remember later, so taken collectively, it was pretty weird:

• At least five different books on the history of Japan and/or the Tokugawa Shogunate
• Certified Ethical Hacker Exam Guide
• Pliny's Natural History
• Vintage Guerlain Mitsuoko
• Spinal Tap's last album
• Hobbes' Leviathan
• Likas Papaya soap
• Herriot's Cat Stories
• Book on String Theory
• The Killing (Danish DVD version)

Which might be why I get some rather interesting “Recommended For You” items from Amazon.

So anyway, I'm sure I'll get into the spirit a bit closer to Christmas, once the shopping is done and the school work completed. I'll even bake a few things.

One thing I really have to make this year is “The Hot Pink Mess”:

It's actually called Cherry Walnut Bars, and contains everything I hated as a child: walnuts, shortbread, Maraschino cherry juice and coconut. Naturally, now that I'm an adult, these things are miraculously delicious.

The recipe is from an old copy of the Farm Journal Christmas Book:

I love this book. It is chock full of heinous 1960's technicolor vomit. And it is awesome:

Unfortunately, I probably can't post the recipe since it's copyrighted, but if anyone really wants it, just email me.

p.s. If you'd like to see about awful photos of long lost recipes please click here. James Lileks has a great site called “The Gallery Of Regrettable Foods”. It is filled with snark and you will laugh your butt off. I promise.